Episode 05

How to be kinder to yourself after cancer

Research shared in the episode shows that 76% of people are kinder to others than they are to themselves.

Recovery isn’t always straightforward. Expectations change, things don’t go to plan, and sometimes, life isn’t what was expected. That can bring a lot of pressure and a really tough inner voice.

In our latest episode of the Life after Cancer podcast, Steph talks with community member Karen Sergeant about the self-critical thoughts that can show up post cancer, the pressure to “bounce back” and how she’s learning to show up for herself in a kinder way.

We are also joined by integrative oncology specialist and mindful self-compassion teacher Dr Caroline Hoffman, who shares insights, practical tools and simple self-compassion exercises you can try yourself to help quieten your inner critic, navigate difficult emotions, and respond to yourself with the same kindness you'd show a friend.

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During the episode, we talk about:

- feeling flat, frustrated, or “behind” after treatment
-when life after cancer doesn’t look how you imagined
-the pressure to “get back to life” and “make the most of it”
-why being hard on yourself is so common after cancer
-what self-compassion can look like in everyday life
-simple self-compassion practices for difficult moments
-learning to notice self-criticism, comparison, and people-pleasing
-feeling pressure to appear grateful or positive after treatment
-finding support from people who understand life after cancer
-learning to accept what you’re feeling instead of pushing it away

This conversation is for anyone navigating life after cancer who finds themselves being hard on themselves, as well as friends, family, and professionals wanting to better understand life after treatment. It offers language, examples, and simple tools for difficult moments.

Useful links

Disclaimer

The information shared in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. If you have any concerns about your health or notice any new or worsening symptoms, please contact your GP or your medical team.

Some of the research and evidence mentioned in this episode reflects the speaker’s academic and clinical work.

The research, studies, and evidence discussed in this episode can be found under the ‘References and Studies’ tab. Some references are linked to the speaker’s academic and clinical work, and we may continue to add further sources and readings as they become available.

Connect with us

Subscribe here: youtube.com/@life-aftercancer

Website: life-aftercancer.co.uk

Instagram: @life_aftercancer

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/life-after-cancer

00:00 - Introduction
00:51 - Why life after cancer can feel harder than expected
01:52 - Karen’s experience after treatment ended
05:22 - Why so many people struggle after treatment
09:09 - Why we’re so hard on ourselves after cancer
14:27 - What self-compassion actually means
17:04 - The 3 parts of mindful self-compassion
23:31 - Can self-compassion improve wellbeing after cancer?
25:25 - Karen on self-criticism and trying to “get on”
27:01 - Finding support and real understanding
31:32 - What self-compassion looks like in everyday life
37:14 - “How would you treat a friend?” exercise
40:57 - Guided self-compassion break
47:02 - What to say to yourself on difficult days
50:32 - Advice for anyone being hard on themselves
52:10 - Expectations vs reality after cancer treatment
56:32 - What helped most after treatment
59:14 - “It’s like landing in a foreign city without a map”
1:00:02 - What people said that wasn’t helpful
1:03:55 - A message to her post treatment self
1:05:33 - What healthcare professionals need to understand
1:07:51 - Final reflections

Dr Caroline Hoffman OAM, PhD, RN, BSW, Certified Mindful Self-Compassion Teacher and Self Compassion for Shame Teacher, Retreat Leader, Supervisor MBSR Teacher, Integrative Oncology Specialist and Researcher and EMDR practitioner.

Caroline has taught and researched mindfulness and self-compassion in people affected by cancer for over 20 years. Her doctoral research in mindfulness and breast cancer was published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology in 2012. Her recent research on mindful self-compassion and breast cancer was published in Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine in 2023.

Caroline has supported people in the field of integrative oncology since 1993 both in the NHS and charity sectors.

www.drcarolinehoffman.com

Community member Karen Sergeant talking about the self-critical thoughts that can show up post cancer, the pressure to “bounce back” and how she’s learning to show up for herself in a kinder way.

This podcast shares experiences and perspectives on life after cancer.

It is not medical advice and cannot replace support from your healthcare team.

Some conversations may bring up strong feelings. If you need additional support,

consider reaching out to someone you trust, your GP, or your oncology team.

You can also find free online workshops, expert sessions, peer groups and

our 6 week programme at life-aftercancer.co.uk.

Find free support